Thank you all. At the moment they've cleaned her up and given her some fluids and plan to do more tests tomorrow. I just keep having to counter the thoughts and feeling that this is all my fault i.e.
Inner voice: This wouldn't have happened if I'd visited her over the last few years.
Reality: When I lived with her when growing up she still got blinding drunk and ended up in hospital. I finally started speaking to her after years of no contact and this is the time she chooses to get so drunk she ends up in hospital.
Inner voice: Oh, she must have been lonely. I should have gone home, it's Christmas.
Reality: the last 2 Christmas' I spent with her, she was drunk the whole time and she never made the effort to make Christmas a special time of year.
Inner voice: I've been neglectful. She's my mother and was lying on the sofa having soiled herself and I didn't know. I should have stopped this.
Reality: I am not responsible for her actions and I can't stop her drinking.
Inner voice: I should make the effort and go see her now.
Reality: I don't want to and it will do me no good. Neither has my presence in the past done her any good in stopping drinking and I need to take care of my needs.
Have a feeling like "okay, you've done your little detachment skit but, c'mon, this is serious now, time to drop it, she's in hospital". But why should that change things? She's 64 now and I'm 24, this could go on for the next 30 years; am I really going to continue? Sorry, I'm not looking for any answers, just venting a bit I guess.