Hi there Brain!
For me, I was self medicating my bi-polar disorder with alcohol. Sometimes it's hard to know what came first. I too like Dee rely on medications to have a good quality of life. This for me isn't about addiction, it's about not feeling Tortured everday by my emotional shifts.
Only a doctor can discern what's real mental illness and what is withdrawal related and could dissipate with time. It's all about past behavior, family history, etc. These are things that need to be sorted through by a doctor.
I do know that no matter what medication, etc. I was on, when I drank with it, it made the black outs worse and the medications didn't work.
I hope you start feeling more comfortable in your skin. I am still working on that and I've been here and in AA since May. Try not to be impatient with yourself. I know some people in the rooms who are still learning a lot and have 20+ yrs under their belt. I guess we learn all our lives.
There is no magic words or pills to make you socialize or feel better. You will have to practice. And maybe most of what you can do right now with others is just be a good listener.
I spend a lot of time in my study these days because frankly I don't want to be around people very much. I have learned that I am an introvert but I tried to cover that up with alcohol. There is nothing wrong with being this type of person. Bottom line is don't compare yourself to others and appreciate who you are.
Take care!