I'm sorry you chose to take it that way Frankie, in spite of my specifically saying that's NOT what I was doing. It may help to re-read Scary's post and my post.
Sobriety for an alcoholic is a LIFE AND DEATH deal...perhaps you don't see it that way - I didn't believe it was so serious when I was getting sober at first either. I've gone to 2 funerals this summer and now have another to go to for a 23yr old young man who continued to do only what he felt like, continued to relapse, and the last one wasn't a relapse.......it killed him.
For someone who's admittedly relapsed successfully (ie, they haven't died......yet) for "12 or 13 years" - well, the clock is ticking. You won't catch me giving congratulatory pats on the butt and saying you're doing fine when the person is doing the exact same things they've done which, for them, has only led to yet another relapse. Now I don't know if that's what Scary is doing........I just asked that he take a good hard look at his situation, compare it to where he's been and make sure he's not walking the same path that's not worked so many times in the past.
It's also been my experience that I needed to be woken up to my delusions.....to be forced to take a look at the reality that what i was doing was simply NOT working. Folks telling me, over and over, "it'll get better dear.......just hang in there" were doing nothing more than validating my complete lack of action and lack of change.
I'll admit, reading my post might have shaken some folks up.......that's what it's intended to do - to a degree. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings directly but if what I said wakes someone up to the fact that their best thinking is not going to be any more successful than it has been for the past decade.....and that it's high time to get moving in a different direction......then I'll run the risk that some will find my post distasteful.
The absolute bottom line is that I truly LOVE alcoholics......honest to God I want each and every ONE of you who's struggling to find a way to plug back into life, to experience all the wonderful things that happen over and over on a daily basis, to know how much you're loved, and to be free from all the junk that's in your head and is tearing you up on a daily basis.
I use the analogy on here a lot but I'll say it again here: if someone cant swim, hearing me shout from the boat "you can do it, wonderful job, you've got it this time" as they thrash around in the water.......about to die is NOT helping them in the least. It may sound good....it may sound encouraging......but the person can't swim..... so they'll get to hear nice phrases as they slip down below the surface. What's the use in that.
If an alcoholic.....or someone with a drinking problem who may or may not be alcoholic.....historically cant keep themselves sober......I'm not going to be the person, save in the boat, shouting encouragement to someone for whom encouragement is not the solution.