hurtandconfused

I have to say that I stay because I love this man. I love him like God meant for every man and woman to be in love. The first time we kissed it was a simple kiss but there was something scary, something that almost brought tears to both of our eyes, literally. I never believed in soul mate maybe it's a silly childish word but God wants me to be with this man. I truly believe that. I truly believe that we were meant to be. It sounds a bit funny but our love is so pure, so deep, and so passionate down to they way we catch each other looking at the other one from accross the room. He is my safe place. He is a long lost part of me that I looked for forever. That feeling of magical love that you always hoped and dreamed about but felt like in the "real" world there is no such thing. I truly belive that as many times as I have tried to leave or kick him out. It used to be every week end. That, that something that kept letting him back in wasn't my chioce, but a much higher being. That someone else was in control of my life. I don't kick him out anymore. I try not to fight anymore. Lately I have tried to understand what I am really supposed to be doing. My mother gave me the best advice. ( she loves him to death and some how Encourages me to stay by his side like I vowed to do) ( neither of my parents drink or have ever really drank at all) She told me to stop trying to CONTROL him. Let him make his mistakes, Let him dissapoint himself, Let him make his own choices and he will see on his own what he truly wants. Try to act like I don't care what he does and plan my own things to do alone. HE WILL COME AROUND. I stay because I love this man. I am supposed to be here. Maybe God is teaching me something through this. Maybe this was the only way I would have ever seen that" I" needed to change. We are all here for a reason. We all have lessons to be taught. I believe we have to stay or go by only what is in our hearts that is the true path.