I made it 7 days
The last time I posted was last week Wednesday, I was afraid I would not make it 7 days sober. In the past 12 or 13 years, I have never been able to do it. This year I did it, and my 7th day was Christmas. I'm now working on day 9. My first attempt at getting sober was 12 years ago, and I have failed at every attempt since then. I rarely made it past 4 days. So I'm happy right now. I'm proud of myself for sticking to it this long, but I'm still plenty scared of failing. I thought once I made it a certain number of days it would get easier. It hasn't. Not yet at least. I still miss beer badly. I really REALLY want to go home and crack a beer so badly today. But I also want to live sober. I just don't want that life any more. It's such a struggle. Alcohol is such a huge part of my life, I don't know how long I can do this. All I know is this. As much as I want to drink, I also want sobriety. I've made the decision to get sober and stay that way. There is a battle inside me every day between the guy who wants to drink, and the guy who wants to live sober. I just hope it gets easier.
Thank you to everyone who posted replies to me last week. Without the support I received here, I'm sure I wouldn't have made it. I've been coming back to the site any time I get the craving, and it has really helped me keep my head straight.
I still miss beer. Sleeping hasn't been too easy either. Someday I hope it gets easier.