Thanks all for the great posts. Thanks gerryP, ur post really helped me to understand.
And yes, I know that is not the kinda relationship I want. Nobody wants that, with a normal head on, I think.
But I kinda slided into that dilemma, kinda blind of love i guess. Happy to have a partner in my life. And he did great the first few month, as a boyfriend. He was still in the Army, drinking yes, but at that time it doesn't bother me, to go out together on the weekends, with all his Army buddies and so on. I mean I had a blast. And otherwise he was romantic and charming, all what a girl wants. I still remember to this date, that when I drove home, from one of our dates :" that thing is so perfect, its almost to perfect to be true, I just hope its not a dream or it turns in to a nightmare " !
After a while all the dilemma started and then slowly but surely i realized what was going on, but by then I went already to far with him. And then sure u think, u can help, fix etc.
Took me almost a year to learn, that I am powerless over his addiction, what Alcoholism is in detail, etc. In that whole process I kinda lost myself, and what I want, my goals I had in life.
Altogether I think I am on a good way for myself. Like an Alcoholic needs to recover, so do I. Still have to deal with letting go. I mean those things can be heartbreaking, even if I would have a relationship with an Non Alcoholic. Since I am alone in this world, because there is just my fostermom overseas, and we don't have the best relationship, its hard, to constantly say good bye to people u love, u know what I mean.
My whole life is about loosing people. And I get sick and tiered of it. Maybe that explains why it is so hard for me, to just let him go. All I want to have someday a family and people who love me for what I am, just because. I'm 33 now, and its just not happening, for some strange reason with no guy.
I don't know. Either way thanks for all those posts. Lots of help, and new things to think about.