Hi sprman24,
I could written your post few years ago. I most probably did, many times.
In the meantime I learned there is nothing I can do, I mean I could do a lot of things but it wouldn't make any diffrence in regard to my husbands drinking.
I used to bargain the same way you do. I used to spend days with no end trying to think of the right thing I could do at the right moment.
The only result I got is putting myself through even more pain.
He has to do it himself. He has to want it himself. When and if he gets there he'll do it the way it works for him. It might be AA, it might be some other program.
I don't wish to be harsh, I just want to tell you that IMHO you can't think of the right thing to do for him, as it is not up to you but him.
MOre importantly in my experience anything he choses to do because of you won't last and you're back at the square one again.
You most definetely should set your boundaries, but you also have to know why are you setting them, they are there to protect you, not change him.
I must admit I feel triggered by your post, as I remember feeling the way you feel know and doing things you're doing now. I wish I could make you see the things I can see now, but it doesn't work that unfortunatelly. You have to get there yourself.
Best advice I can offer is: stick around here and read as much as you can. educate yourself about alcoholism and the way it affects the loves ones.
I wish you well
Take care