Hi Arlie and welcome! Lots of good advice here. You wrote:
"This time I just don't feel like anything will drag me out of this."
You will be the one who will drag yourself out of this, with the support of others. Come up with a plan -- whether going to a meeting or talking to a doctor or committing to reading and posting daily here on SR -- and follow through with it. Once you stop drinking, even for a few days, it will get easier. I'm not saying it will be easy. Just start by not drinking for a day. If you find that tough, commit to not drinking for an hour. If that's tough, don't drink for 10 minutes. A lot of us had to start our sobriety with literally a minute-by-minute commitment, but that's the stuff that days and weeks and then months and years of sobriety and happiness are made of. You can do this!