I have wondered for some time if I am an 'alcoholic'. I always thought since I could stop (and did, for days weeks or months at a time), it wasn't really a problem. But I have gotten worse and worse, hiding alcohol from my husband, drinking (almost) every day, and most recently driving while I was drunk to the point of not remembering and blowing out a tire (which I then drove home on). I thought this would make me hit 'rock bottom' but my drinking has continued, with practically every other day telling myself I will not drink the next one. I have drove while drunk so many times and God must have really been watching out for me because I should have 20 DUIS by now but I have none. I have never had big consequences from drinking.
I rarely drink to the point of falling down drunk (maybe four times in the last year, the last one being when I blew out the tire). Usually I just drink to get a buzz good enough to get me through the afternoon feeling good and help me fall asleep. I feel so guilty about the car though, and even more guilty about not being able to control my drinking or feeling like I can't. Both of my grandparents died of alcoholism, my dad and sister are both verging alcoholics. I just don't know how to stop now! In the past I have had a resolution and been able to stop for weeks or months. Lately its like every day I find an excuse to drink! I have a wonderful husband and a baby I adore. I am only 23 ! I am terrified of people finding out I have a problem and admitting I have one, even to my husband. I'm afraid he may tell people or my mother in law
. I am so ashamed. I wish I could just stop, but for some reason this time it has been a week straight of me not only drinking every day but trying to quit practically every day! When I was pregnant I replaced drinking with exercise. I felt so healthy and so much less depressed. This time I just don't feel like anything will drag me out of this. I'm so ashamed and I feel terrible! Any tips on how to get past this hump and get support? I am scared to go to a meeting! Has anyone been to them? How do they work? Any comments are appreciated! I know its the holidays, which is why now I am telling myself I'll quit after the new year...but I'm miserably afraid I'll fail again!