There are different ways to work the aa program. Some work it rule based while others work it therapy based. It sounds like your current sponsor is rule based and that isn't exactly meeting your needs. Maybe you could look for a therapy based sponsor? I know, they are rare because I have been looking for one like that for a long time.
I have listened to them share their stories though. I always feel empowered by them, and I can tell that they aren't trying to follow rules of some kind of program, but have understood many of the core issues of the 12 steps. These are issues about personal healing. Many alcoholics are first and foremost victims of abuse.