need reassurance.
hoo- boy.
i'm sober a little over 5 months now.
my problem is that i've always been self centered and socially oblivious, even way before i started drinking, i was lonely and mildly depressed. drinking allowed me to want to be around others and allowed me to be outgoing and friendly.
so far, being sober has DESTROYED my social life and is threatening my livelihood. i'm a solo musician, so being front and center and doing it with a SMILE is a must. but since i got sober, i resent having to be fake. and i just don't seem to have the capacity to enjoy anything.
as far as my recovery goes, yes i've been sober 5 months, but my going to meetings was more or less touch and go. this past week, however, thanks to a friend who's started going to meetings with me, i've been making meetings every day. but i still have no real desire to commingle in fellowship, and meetings often fill me with uneasiness, more often than i feel they should. i want SO BAD to reap the benefits of the program, and assume that i'm on the right path, but my unceasing discomfort around anybody, including those in meetings i should feel comfortable around and who are there to support me, is discouraging. especially since it's been 5 months!
i know that i'm extremely blessed. i have loving family, no financial responsibilities, or really any responsibilities, friends who still care about me despite my wanting to distance myself, i get to make money doing what i (used to) LOVE doing, and am surrounded by goodness and support, yet my negativity permeates and infects all i touch, and i dont know how to combat it. i guess i just need to know that i'm on the right path and to hear others' commiseration and assurance that i can enjoy life someday.