tammy...first don't give up. Yes it is day 1, but you just pick yourself up. Do not feel ashamed with yourself. You posted here, which I appreciate. I see strength in that.
Why did you do it? Well, I am sure people will say you have a disease, you suffer from alcoholism ect. Personally I am struggling with that. I sometime say I have learnt a great deal about myself in the past month. By that I mean I honestly didn't think my issue with alcohol was as bad as it is until I tried to stop for 30 days.
For my it is that voice. It starts around 5 pm and it wants a drink. It pleads, begs, rationalizes "hey you don't have a problem" things like that. From reading posts here of those who have 6 months, 1 year sobriety, I know it gets better. It will for me, and it will for you.
There are many posts here on that voice. I know, it seems at times an impossible thing to beat this. But in reading the posts you know many people do. And so can you.
Post here, keep your mind busy, use yesterday and burn it into your mind. You do not want to wake up again at 2 am. Simply alcohol is not worth it. What is does to you personally, your finances, your health.
I recently read a book by Caroline Knapp, Drinking a Love Story. Wow, I never want to go there. Not a place to be. Alcohol is very cunning and takes away from the person you can be.
I wish you every success in your journey.
Jim