Sorry, Tammy. I remember those feelings so well. For me I had to truly give up and acknowledge that once I have a drink, I am powerless over alcohol. I did not want to die from my alcoholism and my life was out of control from booze, I felt like I was hanging onto everything by a thin thread.
You can do it though. Make yourself a plan. What are you going to do? If you keep failing at keeping sober, you need to do something differently. Best wishes to you on your sobriety.