Thank you everyone for your input.
To answer a couple of questions, I am in a situation where I know I don't feel well, and I know it's because of my drinking. Originally my heavy drinking started because my wife and I were pregnant with our first child, and at about 20 weeks we found he had a serious congenital defect. One that almost assured us of a disabled child if not the death of him. It turned out being the latter, and while not an excuse it became very easy to try an escape it on a daily basis.
I don't want to drink every day.
During the last couple of years I've become a highly functional alcoholic. I don't get violent, I haven't lost any friends, i have progressed at work and even been promoted. So until these physical effects I didn't really think of it as a problem.
Now I realize it's a problem. I am medicated for HBP, I have high cholesterol. I have friends who have recently been admitted for diabetic issues related to alcohol abuse. I just never assumed that it would lead to these problems, and truthfully making it through another night was worth whatever it took.
Now I am happy to say we have a new born who turned 3 weeks old today. He's given me a new lease on life, which is why I'm here. Last night I decided to be real with my wife and admitted my problem to her for the first time. She always harped on me for it, but my excuse was my functionality and she accepted that.
This is all why it's become acceptable for me. But, it's not anymore. I want to feel better, I don't want to hurt. For my son, my wife and for me.