IMO this is pretty common behavior for someone getting sober. When an A gets sober, they have to make recovery their #1 priority to be able to even BE a wife, mother, friend ANYTHING. But within reason! That doesnt meet she can ignore common courtesy, ie not letting you know she going to be late, where she is etc. Have you ever read "to wives" in the AA book? It's basically explaining that it's totally normal for spouses to feel resentful when their mate transfers their addiction to AA instead of tending to their family in this time. But AA is saving their life.
Her avoid her home life, this has NOTHING to do with you and there is NOTHING to can do to prevent or control how she feels. It's her issue and she has to work it out on her own...
Have you ever read the do and don'ts of Alanon? I love em... they help me keep things in perspective.
* Do forgive
* Do be humble
* Do take it easy — tension is harmful
* Do play — find recreation and hobbies
* Do keep on trying whenever you fail
* Do learn the facts about alcoholism
* Do attend Al-Anon meetings often
* Do pray
DON'T:
* Don't be self-righteous
* Don't try to dominate, nag, scold and complain
* Don't lose your temper
* Don't try to push anyone but yourself
* Don't keep bringing up the past
* Don't keep checking up on the alcoholic
* Don't wallow in self-pity
* Don't make threats you don't intend to carry out
* Don't be over-protective
* Don't be a doormat