Welcome to SR...
...I so hope you get the help you need!
If you are not against AA, might I ask what didn't work -- you or AA?
Don't mean to sound sarcastic or cynical, but I went to AA for a time as well, but had no program, and back out I went. If you are not against it, please go back and give it another shot, your son is definitely worth it -- and so are both of you! Your choice to jump off this f***d up elevator now, because it only goes down at this point, another couple of floors and you both may not have a choice.
Please get help somewhere!
Ken