Oh, and I wanted to address the part about him needing me. He says he does. I know, I know, he is a grown man and no I don't believe he will fall dead on the spot if I leave. However, I was his first girlfriend. I was his first kiss. I am his only female companion( which was my fault as a young girl I was very insecure and where I came from attached males did not have close female friends), and I have taken care of him for 10 years. I have kept him from drinking himself into oblivion over the last few years, I have washed his laundry (if he does it he overstuffs it and it won't come out clean), cleaned up after him, kept him and our son from killing each other (not literally, they just argue a lot), been his advisor, and well, you can't just get over the intimacy that developes over 10 years with a single person. I have spoken to him a few times about how unhappy I was, I have left him, I have tried to kick him out, and each time he breaks down, cries, gets frantic, begs me, tells me he knows I'm right and he will change, tells me I'm his life, he doesn't want to live without me, etc. In my brain I know he can't change, becaue he is who he is, and honestly, I'm fine with him being who he is, I just don't want him to try and force me to live with it.
I know for a fact that when I move out he will freak out, he's going to cry, he's going to get loud (that's one of his tactics, get loud because he knows I HATE a scene and he thinks he can make me back down by causing one), he's going to beg, say he'll change, then when I don't back down he'll get nasty, he'll say I'm being selfish, say he doesn't know what he has done wrong, say I always do this to him...etc. It's very predictable. I just know that with the doubts I already have about whether I am doing the right thing or not, this is going to be so tough on me.