I understand how confusing it feels. My husband was sober 13 years, but had secretly relapsed this year...but I could not spot the symptoms. Until I found the alcholol. My sponsor said something very very wise: "pay NO attention to what they say...pay CAREFUL attention to what they DO" Sage advice!
You'll never know what goes through someone else's mind(and particularly an alcoholic)...and you have absolutely no control. The only option any of us have is to try to save ourselves...and in your case, your tiny children. We will drive ourselves positively insane trying to figure out why they do what they do. There is only one course of action that is rational: figure out how to help yourself and your children. There isn't anything else at all you can do.