Thank you, all, for your input. I do want to understand what he is going through. I want him to tell me what he thinks...that he is sick of it, tired, hurt, whatever. I don't want to ignore him while I'm working on my sobriety.
I have been reading posts on these forums so I can understand better the side of the non-drinker. I want to be hit in the face with their feelings and what they go through, in general, since my husband won't tell me. I imagine there are similarities regardless. The more I can focus on him and how my kids feel, it fuels my determination to end this for them. I don't want them to be in pain. They are the ones I love most in all the world--and to think I have caused it, well I need to be faced with it.
My husband is way too easy on me. He gets me alcohol when I ask for it. He totally helps me deal with hangovers, etc. I know he shouldn't. That's what I mean about support. Maybe support is the wrong word---boundaries, maybe. I want him to tell me "no."
But you are right, he is responsible for himself. I just wanted to provide him with some tools that might get him going in a healthier direction. I ordered Under the Influence yesterday, so good to know that is a helpful one.
Thanks again for your feedback everyone. I did not mean to invade the space of the families....but your posts of pain make a difference to those of us who cause it.