Ellen-
I don't think you made a mistake posting. However like an addict is responsible for their own recovery, your husband is responsible for his...
That is something I have a hard time knowing sometimes...what is mine and what is someone elses...and when I am being "helpful" or "harmful." Usually my intentions are good.
Al-anon was a HUGE help for me, and after a number of months I actually attended some open AA meetings (to help me learn about the disease). I did not go with my loved one who struggled with addiction....I went to learn, for me.
It took me some serious work to conceptualize alcoholism being a disease, and to come to terms with that....but to also have emotions about my loved one choosing to/not choosing to get help. I had no control over that....which was really hard for me.
Counseling for me was a huge help (both marital and individual....).
I agree with the suggestion of Codependent No More, but also got a lot of support from Al-anon books and honestly reading about alcoholism at the library. I read anything I could get my hands on for awhile about alcoholism and how it impacts all family members.