Originally Posted by
Ellen36 
If we talk about it he just says he doesn't understand why I can't just stop, or just have one drink and that be enough.
You've probably seen that those of us who aren't alcoholics feel exactly this same way about loved ones who ruin themselves through drink. And the simple answer is, "because alcoholics can't handle alcohol." Some people can't handle dairy, some people can't handle wheat, some people can't handle alcohol.
Who cares why? Why does he need to understand in any deeper way than that? Your struggle with alcohol is your own deal.
All he can do is live his own life and hope you get the help you need. That doesn't make him an "avoider," that makes him a guy trying to hold onto his sanity whilst coping with a difficult situation that he didn't create.
Good luck to you in getting sober.