Originally Posted by nicam

My XABF kicked an 8-year Rx drug addiction and picked up booze, porn, coke, and other women 6 months later (and no, his emotional instability and problem behavior did NOT stop when he quit drugs). He now claims he was never really an addict (this, coming from a man who wanted to get a Sober4Life tattoo on his arm while in early recovery). He is still doing coke and binge drinking daily despite a trip to the doctor that revealed he was a week out from a stroke with fatty liver AND triglycerides in the 700's at 29 years-old. But guess what?: The doctor is wrong and a quack, and XABF is wonderful and doesn't need to change a thing.

In my heart I too think XABF is just a mean, heartless, sociopath phony, addiction and PDs or not. A self-centered, narcissistic jerk who feels entitled and superior and lacks empathy and a moral compass. A manipulative emotional child who is always testing boundaries and dodging responsibility. Why should he have yet another excuse for all the lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating, raging, etc.? I don't think all alcoholics/addicts are jerks at the core, but many seem to be judging from these boards. How many times have we heard, "he was nicer before he got sober..."?

The abusive A's do cause so much damage to us though, and it's so nice to find anything that explains what is happening to us and why we don't run for the hills immediately! This one really helped me understand what was happening to me too: Ambient Abuse and Gaslighting