Rella,
At a recent Al-Anon meeting a member made (for me) a most amazing observation - that she has great fear when she is around her A. We are all fighting fear - b/c we feel unsafe. But what is FEAR
F alse
E vidence
A ppearing
R eal
Our work is to do what we can be safe b/c when we are safe we feel serenity. One follows the other - fear follows being unsafe, and serenity follow safety. All are within my power if I keep myself in my safe space. For me that means limited contact with my A, and at times it has meant no contact. Boundaries for me have included things like knowing how to file a restraining order and advising my old AB that I would pursue one if he didn't leave me alone. Ohh how quiet my world became. The silence (no phone calls, rants, rages) just him having to be in his own head, instead to trying to get into mine.
I pray for silence for you - the sweet self imposed kind that gives you peace -
Petunia