Tyler,
I found myself in that loop too. I couldn't stop and had little self respect left but enough to say that I really not only needed to change but wanted to. I missed my self-respect, and my dignity.
Are you ready to do whatever it takes? I was. So I looked around and found a hospital 7 day inpatient detox I qualified for and could afford as it was free. It had a 28 day live in follow up rehab meals etc all free. That was VA. The Salvation Army and many other agencies have them, too.
Before I wasn't willing to do whatever it took to quit forever, I quit a million times and was just talking smack. I didn't want to quit. But the physical issues started to become impossible to ignore. So I decided I would have one shot, and it had to count. I am too old to get another a few years down the road. I knew that this could not be a try thing. So before i went I prepared myself and my family and friends, and with my docs behind me quit both smoking and alcohol in that detox. It took months for me to get over all the physical issues and start to heal noticeably at 6 months. But I was fighting for my life. I won. I have my self respect back and alcohol isn't really in my thoughts anymore. Except heren when i visit SR with my friends and newbys we try to be here for. You're one of them now, and you are in the right place. Now are you ready to do whatever it takes?