Thank you vujade.... this is exactly what I was trying to express. He has left such a mess and so much pain. I know it's part of it to be angry... and I have to let it out. Just a very tough time for all. I need support. thanks for giving it!! PS... I spoke with another with similar thoughts.... so mad at father for drinking self to death. Took the urn and shook the be jeepers out of it, yelling and carrying on... felt so much better.