The way I read it is, you need to get to the point where you can decide you're IN or you're OUT of this marriage. It does not sound like you are ready to make that decision. So, the question is, do ultimatums work? IMO, no, ultimatums do not work for either the alcoholic or the person who wants them to stop drinking.
From what you describe, that dude's got SERIOUS issues, that a program is not going to solve overnight anyway. These kinds of things take years to work through, and lots of falling down and staying down for long periods until something makes us get back up and try again. And again and again. At least that's how it's been for me and every other alcoholic I have known who has attempted Recovery.
It's easy to think we know the answer(s) to someone else's problem. I can't tell you how many times I have been through this (without the kids and marriage part)-silently observing, pondering, researching, reading, and coming up with all the ideas and ways to "fix" another person just so that I can live peaceably with them. (Not to mention all the tears). It does not work. I've learned that I've either got to accept them for who they are, and adore them enough to live with their crap, or Not. I've spent THOUSANDS of dollars trying to help other people "fix" themselves so that I can be with them, when I should have been spending that money on ME! I've also learned that I much prefer to live ALONE, and that my life and my responsibilities are much easier to handle when I do not also have to take care of another fully grown adult and deal with their drunken BS.
Oops, sorry for the rant, your story took me back a few years
You will have to go through whatever it is you need to go through in order to get to where it is you are going.