The Other World
I thought this was an appropriate title because it just seems to be the place one is in when you are with an alcoholic. I have an alcoholic boyfriend of 3 years. He is a functional alcoholic. At this particular point, I've put a bit of distance between he and I because I have grown tired of the 100th time of his "punishments" of silence and indifference due to some perceived slight, and my usual response of "why didn't you just talk to me about that". He has done this quite a bit in the last four months. This month has been especially ridiculous because I've gone through some issues in which I needed his support. He just wasn't there for me. It was almost like he was put upon. So after last weekend of being told that we couldn't do anything on the weekend because he had to watch football (although I was welcome to join him), and he wasn't coming over to my house for awhile because I told him to go home the last time that he did (I've never told him that, and have no clue what happened), I am fed up.
Recently, he's been trying not to drink so much. I actually find it kind of humorous because he can "not drink" all he wants, but he's not actually dealing with the issues. I think he has an underlying issue, but I don't know which came first. I am actually embarrassed to say that he's actually better drunk because he is more open, happier, communicates better, and is more understanding, although I've never said "you should stay drunk" or encouraged it. He is cynical and crabby sober. I've asked him about this. He has explained that without the liquor he does not trust people and has racing thoughts. With the liquor, it's better. I told him that they have pills for that. He said he does not like pills. We have talked about AA, and he won't go because he doesn't want to be in a "fish bowl". I really haven't argued with him much about it, stating that it was up to him.
Anyway, in the process of removing myself, he does text on occasion, and I do return them, but they are nothing in depth. He invited me over Saturday, (he started cancelling our Wednesday dates, although I don't know why) and I did not go because I had made other plans. I also didn't want to watch 5 football games, be treated indifferently, and pretend like nothing is wrong. Sunday, he did a couple of things to "punish" me for that, and I ignored him. I've tried talking to him about all of this previously, and I'm either told I'm creating drama or the subject is changed. He lives right across the street, so sometimes that is hard, but I manage. He never leaves his house, except to go to work and to get Fours from the store. Today, I mailed him a link on passive aggressive behavior. It was a very tactful article, and I did it to emphasis why there is a change in my behavior. The article emphasized tons of things that I have said to him in the past. But I really don't think he cares. Long ago, I gave him three books on alcoholism. That didn't matter either.
Anyway, I'm kind of grieving tonight. There were elements of the relationship that were good. Alcohol and passive aggressive behavior just mess it up too much.