Afraid & Ashamed...
Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum, having only just decided I had a real problem this month. I've blacked out twice in the last month--loooong blackouts, hours missing. On a typical day, alone, I drink moderately--glass of wine at dinner. But in social settings, particularly if someone else is drinking, my "off" button breaks, and I get really drunk, really fast. I've lost weight recently which has lowered my tolerance even more, and I loose control quickly.
The two times I blacked out this month, my life was literally saved by those around me. In one case, keys were taken. In another, I was taking a man I just met up to my room (!! no memory of this!!) and my housemate stopped us (thank god!). Ever time it happens I swear its the LAST but it never is! But now I'm afraid. The guy I met seems really cool, but now the first meeting is colored by all this shame and weirdness. I don't trust myself to go on another date with him since I'm afraid of where the drinking might lead.
I just got out of a long, abusive relationship where I was isolated with my partner. Part of what I need right now is to meet people and build up my support group of friends...since I was isolated with him so long. I'm exited to get to meet people and be out in the world, but my drinking problem has me terrified and wanting to stay home. Any words of wisdom or support would help...the last blackout was last night and I am still trying to work past the shame.