Threshold

I know withdrawal is hell on a stick, but I am curious how your 2 years of clean time were.

Did you have experiences then that you can look forward to now?

Did you just stop using, or did you make some other forward moves in your life?

I keep reading here, because I've had some clean time, then relapse, etc...and my initial clean time was not so great, but they've gotten better. I am not suggesting anyone try using one more time so they "get" a better result in recovery, just musing on my own experience.

Reading here helped me go through getting clean and starting over AGAIN because people shared how much better their life is clean and I want that. I figured I must not have been doing clean the right way, so I was willing to try it again, even though I had some not so great clean experience.

And I have learned, from my own experiences and the ones shared here, how to do this clean thing. I kept trying to make using "work" for me, and when it didn't, I changed it up and tried again. So I figure I can try being clean and if it's not working, get some new ideas and try again.

The real key for me was to realize that drugs were not my only addiction. I had others, and some dangerous addictive thought patterns that kept me relapsing. I am growing more and more aware of those things and addressing them now.

The real problem for me isn't that I can't handle drugs (I mean, heck, I can not pick up if I choose to not pick up) it's that I can't handle life (that truth has led me to choose to pick up)

I'm addressing the life part now.

I don't know if that is what you are terrified of, but looking back at my last relapse, seven months ago, that is what I was terrified of. Dealing with life.