Hi FlamingRedHair. I am an agnostic. I grew up in church though. And to me, AA and "religion"/church are two totally different things. Many people who believe in God are alcoholics. Many recovering alcoholics who do not believe in "God" as that term is understood/promoted by Judeo-Christian religions are in AA.
To me the Higher Power concept means: I am not the center of the universe. That was really hard for me to wrap my head around.
There are other people out there besides me, and their actions or inaction don't depend--nor should they--on what I would like them to do. I have no control over them. In fact, I truly have no control over what happens in my own life-- because I could be hit by a bus today and either lose my life or my ability to live life as I know it, etc. Something out there is keeping me alive. Whether you want to call it the Universe, fate, destiny, etc... it is deciding the extent and quality of my life.
For me this was important because I needed to get in tune with other human beings and the spinning planet called Earth and to realize that I am not very important in the grand scheme of things, but, I am all I have in my own life; I need to care for myself and love myself and do good and right things for myself and others, while realizing that I have little to no control over what other people do, and sometimes I have no control over my own life, but I must keep living it to the best of my ability.
I am creating my very own spirituality as part of my recovery and through what I've learned in AA. It mainly has concepts from secular humanism and Buddhism... but it touches on concepts that are central to all major religions, including Christianity. Love my neighbor as myself. Live humbly and honestly. Do onto others what I want them to do to me. What goes around comes around. I will reap what I sow. Etc. etc. etc.
I am grateful to AA for showing me that I can have a spiritual existence without believing in a supernatural diety, or a "relationship" with my "creator" etc. I look at it as a relationship with myself, with the goddess within me if you will. The woman who wants to live a good, happy, healthy, peaceful, calm life. My Conscience. AA has shown me that to be true to myself, I have to develop my own values, principles, and "beliefs," and make a conscious effort to live accordingly.
Yes, the language of the Big Book is outdated. I find parts of it sexist, and biased towards religious people over agnostics. I'm with you that "We Agnostics" sounds patronizing, as if they are saying we need to just believe in God already, like they did. I am not sure if that is the true meaning of the chapter and perhaps my interpretation of it will change as I get to know more about AA. But I don't let any of this discourage me from seeking recovery and I don't let it make me bitter about AA as a program and a fellowship. The people I have encountered are well-meaning, happier, healthier people, many of whom don't believe in traditional religion/"God" at all, and who talk about praying to the universe/themselves, for Good Orderly Direction, and asking nature/fat whatever is out there that is bigger than us-- and come on, there are things that are "bigger" and more significant than us, like gravity and mountains and tornados and the ocean and oxygen, etc.--- to keep them centered, to give them wisdom and strength to live the life they want to live and are capable of living if only they stop being so darn self-centered. To me there is nothing in any of that that requires me to believe in a certain religion. I am not going to get my panties in a bunch about it, although I did before I really went to AA or knew much about it, so, I can understand where you're coming from. I don't agree with everything about AA and I don't like when people act like it's the only way or constantly quote the BB like it's a Bible and unless someone believes everything about it they're going to fail, but, I do understand it has helped them so much that they want to share it, and I have no problem with that, although it's not my cup of tea. But AA has helped me find a new way of thinking about things that feels much better than feeling empty and drinking to fill it all up... so, I am sticking with it.
I hope you will not let any of this deter you from sobriety. Find something that works for you and stick with it.
Best wishes.