Tuffgirl

Hi SR friends,
I need some collective wisdom from all the parents here. My 18 yr old DD is back together for the umpteenth time with a boy I no longer approve of. He's been verbally abusive to her and just plain old treats her like crap. He also parties pretty hard; drugs and alcohol. He went away to college in August and I thought I could breath a sigh of relief but this dysfunctional "relationship" continued on and off again since then. Now he is coming back for Christmas break and she informed me she is "giving it another chance".

I am tired of her crying in her room, being snatchy with me and her sister, complaining about not "feeling good" and being "stressed out"...all of which happen after a phone call (or lack thereof) from this boy.

This has really been going on since last May. I miss my happy daughter who had a life and friends and activities that she enjoyed. Now she mopes around the house, afraid to go out because he goes off on her whenever she does. This boy acts like an mean and nasty alcoholic...I know part of my disgust is because his behavior triggers me.

So I told her this week that I do not approve of this and he is not welcome in my home anymore. That is my boundary. What she does beyond that is out of my control and not my decision to make; she is 18 now. But that I don't want him around me and my younger daughter - he is no longer a good influence on our family in any way, shape or form. DD lost it, lots of screaming took place (I did shout at her, I admit it, when she told me she "hated me soooo much" I told her maybe it was time to find a new place to live). But for the most part I kept my cool and calmly stated my boundary over and over again.

Question - is this the appropriate way to handle this situation? Or is there a better way and I am not seeing it because my Mom-defenses are blocking a clearer view of the situation? All advice appreciated!