Elisabeth I also came clean and am new to SR. First Post. Had 8 years after treatment and white knuckled it. Went out after an "is that all there is" moment and used back pain as a means to open the door. Never went to the horror of incessant 24 hour vodka (by the grace of God) but could see it leading there. Went back to treatment a year ago to get off oxycontin and made it only 11 months. I read that I was focused on repairing the wreckage instead of focusing on my sobriety. Again it was very small amounts, but came clean to my buddies in my home group.
I embrace the acceptance part of AA and I know I am powerless over alcohol and much of life. I finally scheduled my 4th and 5th step the next 2 weekends - never did it - and in my heart believe this last time was part of the process. have been lurking here and and finally posted.