Originally Posted by
Hopeless4now 
the way I am treated is conflicting. He says he loves me and when he's sober he shows me that.
Don't you deserve to be treated with respect and love
ALL the time, not just when your partner decides to be sober?
Originally Posted by
Hopeless4now Does anyone here know....does it get better? Is there a hope for a life together? Am I stupid and/or blind for staying and trying to make it work? It just seems everyone I talk to says to leave him.
How do you imagine it could get better if he does not, of his own accord, hit bottom and work to find recovery for himself? Knowing that you simply have no power to "make" him find recovery, what other choice do you have but step back, whether emotionally or literally, let him do what he's going to do (which he'll do ANYWAY), and ask yourself if you are getting everything you want and deserve out of this relationship.
I speak from experience; I started a relationship "at the bottom of the hill", so to speak, and tried to fight my way back up, to get to that semblance of normal.
In the end, it never worked. I did not have the power to make my XAH give up the booze, or change his way of dealing with life. He'd been that way before me, and now that we're divorced, he's continuess to be that way.
I'd also like to point out that alcoholism is a disease, a progressive one, that if left untreated ends in death. That's it. No amount of begging, pleading, manipulating, threatening, ultimatums will change that.
As for being "stupid/naive" for staying...please stop that right now. There's no need to berate yourself. You are where you are because it's where you need to be...It's all part of your journey. If and when you decide to leave, it'll be when you're ready and you've hit your own bottom.
Originally Posted by
Hopeless4now I want some light in all the darkness. I want a story of it working out for someone.
I know honey. I came to SR looking for the same thing: a magic pill to make all my problems go away...a solution to divorce Mr. Hyde from Dr. Jekyll...Sadly, there is no way to separate the two. They are one and the same person.
You CAN find some light in your darkness. It may not be the light you expect, but there is some. Start by checking out other Al-Anon meetings. Check out the F&F online meetings on SR. Reading Codependent No More, by Melodie Beattie...as for your counsellor, remember that not all counsellors are specialized in addiction. It might be wise to find someone who understands the complex dynamics of living with an active alcoholic.
Keep posting. SR is always here!