I understand. I'm in a somewhat similar situation with an ABF and I know the pain that can come with loving someone who is self-destructing.
And sadly, we can't stop them. But can stop ourselves from self-destructing.
As for me, I'm going to therapy (and finding it so helpful). I'm reading Co Dependent No More. I'm setting boundaries (leaving when he has been drinking, etc). I can't say everything is better. I'm not sure anything is better where he is concerned. But I am feeling a bit better about me and a bit more in control of my life.