Sib,
From a guys perspective I think you should start out very non-threatening, if it was me I would write him a letter, tell him what you have told us, that you were in denial, that losing him broke you out of that denial, that you know you screwed up, etc., also tell him what actions you are taking to get better.
Don't tell him you want to get back together, just let him see that you are working at recovery, that you have separated from your family and their drama.
One thing I will tell you from experience, drama can be addicitve, I was married to the queen of drama, after we had divorced, I dated for awhile, finally met and married the love of my life, but, but, but, where was the drama?
It was so boring, so mundane, no fighting, no throwing things(ex, not me), my therapist told me "your brain has to adjust to no drama, because drama is like nicotine, or alcohol, or heroin" and he told me it was ok to not have any drama in my life.
He will need time to see how you do away from your family and away from the drama, will you go back, will they try to suck you back in, can you survive without chaos?
More than anything else he will need time to evaluate the situation and how he feels about it.
Also, if you don't want to direct him to this board, then print out the 10 characteristics of ACOA's for him to read, he will better understand the ACOA mind and maybe he will be empathetic.
I hope it works out for you, I married the love of my life at 35, almost 15 years later I am more in love with her than ever, don't ever give up hope.
May God bless you and keep you well,
Bill