what if it isn't either/or? this kind of "splittedness" the crazy making confusion is probably just par for the course. the man I loved was Jekyll & Hyde (Hide...as in disappear and use until he ran out of money) when he was Jekyll he was amazing. it doesn't even matter whether Jekyll was real or not...whether he was manipulating me or not...I just couldn't deal with Hyde anymore! so maybe it doesn't matter whether or not love is involved...it is whether you can deal with addiction. with an addict you get both/and, not either/or. avoid the confusion in anyway possible because it is a house of smoke and mirrors. I know my addict loved me and I loved him, still do actually...I just can't live with the addiction and so far he isn't able to commit to living without it so he will live (hopefully) without me.
I needed to be free of the heartache, the bitterness, the anger, frustration, sadness, lost time and energy...on and on, the list goes on and on.
and yes! i loved him...still do! but done with the addiction!