"I get to hold my heart, I know how I love and what I love. I do not have to hold that memory in the same place as his manipulation and addiction. My love is mine and I shined it on him for awhile..."
Someone asked me if I regret marrying my CH AH... I said no. For what you so beautifully articulated above. We are not crazy. There are no labels on love. What we felt was beautiful, pure, and real. So I hope you're not beating yourself up.. (I had to stop beating myself up... I moved, took a pay cut... etc etc).... Truth is beauty. There was something true and beautiful in what you had with him.. or you would not be mourning it. You are not forsaking that... you are simply honoring your own healthy boundaries. Like someone put it to me... "you left an addict... not your husband...." It's ok to cherish the good times as long as we have a healthy grip on reality. I'm sorry.. but thank you for articulating this grief so eloquently...