Thank you all. I was just so full of negative emotion that I was shocked at how quickly I went there. I know forgiveness is for me. I am just not ready to go there with her-if ever. I know she is not the reason for us splitting up -she was just a symptom but the fact that she presents herself as this "victim" and a good Christian wife and mom. ARRRG!
Learn2Live- you are right. It is between her and her higher power. I don't need to forgive her for any reason other than I don't like the person I am when I feel this way.
MyGirlGracie- when he said "plutonic" I looked at him to see if he was joking. He sometimes says things wrong just to be funny. When I corrected him he looked confused. My husband is not a stupid man. He is well read. So for him to misuse that word causes me concern about his mental ability. Another sign that his disease is progressing.
Anvilhead-I think he was with one and then ran into the other. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during the introductions. It was like he had his own little harem! I think part of the reason I made a point of saying hello and talking to him was so he could see what he had given up. The reality is he is so confused he doesn't even notice. But my passive aggressive self makes sure I talk to him whenever I run into him. Just to show him I am still around. I am still here. Haven't fallen apart. Looking good and moving on.
And yes, I know I am living a better life than all of them combined. That however does not always give me comfort because I feel "smug".
I guess I just have to feel the serenity of living my life on m own terms and taking care of myself.
Obviously I still have so much to work out.