I can relate to your pain - I finally divorced my husband when he began using crack again. We have 2 kids, aged 2 and 3. The collapse of my family at the hands of his addiction has been one of the worst things I've ever been through. BUT - I am getting through it, and so can you. I suggest you get some serious support, via this web site but also local Nar-anon meetings. These meetings/ people have helped me tremendously to stay the course. If you can't find Nar-anon, you can also try local Al-anon meetings. (You can find meetings near you on the Internet). You will get a support network of people who completely understand what you are going through and will help you detach from this insane individual. Once I created enough distance, I was finally able to see the harsh reality of what was going on. My husband's true nature is actually kind and good, but crack is pure evil, and it all but snuffs out any reason to stay. I am finally starting to feel and believe that there is more to life than the insanity of being with a crack addict. You sound like me - almost like you are addicted to the addict. Well, think of what they have to go through to get away fron their addiction - they have to resist overwhelming urges. And so do we. It is extremely difficult to resist the urge to call them, look after them, care for them. But the only way to be free is to do just that. It's too hard to do alone, which is why I have sought support for help with it. Eventually, the only way any of us will change is when we are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Just want you to know that there is hope - it will be hard, but you can do it. You deserve SO much better.