hi Philly,
your story, when seen from the outside, is so completely awful that I can't believe you are with him still. I just made my ex move out about a month ago. I am grieving, most certainly, but with every post I read, with every single person I talk to, EVERY single one, I know that I am doing the right thing. Those Trujillo papers tell it all. We are so ABSOLUTELY POWERLESS over their addiction. While alcoholics talk about their demons, crack addicts talk about the devil. it is the big bad as@ daddy and it has your man in its grip...he has not in anyway decided to do what it takes to even start trying to pry one knuckle off that grip.
You are going to need help. We, who fall in love with people who are addicted to crack, are up against the wall and over a barrel and we can't see it. It sounds to me like you can't see the situation you are in...not clearly. You need help Philly...BIG TIME
If you start to see more clearly...reading these posts helps...and meetings...and support of any kind...GET IT, GET HELP. If you start to see more clearly I cannot imagine you are going to want to stay...but you are probably going to have a REALLY hard time getting out. Getting free. Crack is total insanity, and loving a crack addict...I swear the devil reaches through them and the manipulation and lies and gets you addicted.
Every time you think "why can't he not use?" turn it into "why can't I not be in this insanity?" Your story is one of the worst ones I have heard on here. He is a nasty master manipulator. I am praying for you...
PLEASE keep seeking help for yourself.