Originally Posted by
vw03 
not sure where to start exactly, but i have been taking suboxone for a little over a year starting at 2 1/2 a day 8mg and ive brought myself to 1 a day. i practice stoping like not taking any until im at my worst sometime when withdrawls are in ful effect. and it dont seem like im actually progressing sometimes i make it a day rarely 2 days completely without, my record is 6 days cant beleive i gave up. im just not myself when im sober like my personality is gone. i really try and the constant failure is pretty depressing just not knowing how long the withdrawls will go on.
i was pretty much a buzzaholic for the first couple of years then it converged to strictly narcotics of any kind. i dont really have anybody to talk to about this stuff im just 24 yrs old my family has no idea that im an addict they just wonder where all my money goes and ive been doin drugs since before i got with my gf,about 8 years ago. shes pretty much the only one that knows other than friends and i dont really talk to them anymore there still not trying to quit and will probably never try, and we dont never talk about it i dont think she understands. ive been to a couple of meetings and the guy leading it seems like he is trying to brainwash everyone with lies saying that you dont withdraw after taking subs so i seem like the bad egg telling him otherwise and all kinds of other stuff. the drs there just right the script and move on to the next person
i dont really know what kind of help im asking for but anything will be good these forums have been good thus far. its just nice hearing people talking about success with these programs because for now it just seems like i go to legal drug dealers every week
thanks
vw03, Your story is almost identical to mine. I know what you mean about the Dr's being almost like legal dealers. From my personnal experience and reading about the experiences of many others, what I've learned is that, When it comes down to it, if you REALLY have to have the will to quit, then you will be able to do what needs to be done and get through it. Personally, I was so pissed off at my Dr. for misleading me, and at myself for failing to be a good father, husband, son, friend, etc, etc, and for letting myself get to this point, I just said "enough is enough", "I'm getting off of this, not just for me, but for everyone I love". And that day I stopped.
I know what you mean by not feeling like yourself, but that is only because your body has stopped producing the natural chemicals that youve been getting unnaturally from opiates/subs. So now you have to take something just feel normal and have your normal personality. But when you quit, that all comes back after a while.....you go through withdraw and as long as you dont relapse, eventually your body will start producing dopamine again and you will feel normal. Opiates/subs had a huge effect on my testoterone and once I stopped using my tst levels went up. You have no idea how much youre effected by the lack of these "chemicals" in your body.
It's not a cakewalk.....it doesn't happen in a day, or a week....You have to go through some crap....but if you stick it out, it's worth it.
My advice is take your time, and taper down to less then 1mg per day. Dont just not take it. If your taking one 8mg film per day now, then next week try 4mg then stay on that for a few weeks or a month and then go to 2mg per day and so on. After taking it as long as you have, it would be extremely hard to quit on 8mg per day. Hopefully your Dr is understanding and truly wants to help you......unlike mine who was just in it for money and had no intention of taking me off it or even lowering my dose.
You said you didn't know what you were looking for, but when I read your post, I felt I could relate to what you're feeling and going through. You're 24, I'm only a couple yrs older. No one, not even my wife & kids new what I was going through. I was a hardcore user that got on suboxone to quit an addiction, only for it to give me another....... I can relate to most of what you've shared.
I hope what I've said helps you in some way.
You got yourself here, and you Can get yourself out if you're determined to do so.
I'm 4 weeks into it and I feel better every day. Again, I hope this helps.