Hi lesliej,
Just wanted to say you're not alone! And I agree with what you say. I think people get tough with each other moving on because of their own grief, but it's not very helpful to be made to feel ashamed of your love, or to have to reach the conclusion that the relationship was all lies.
I was in the same boat as you. My ex was my very best friend and he is not replaceable unfortunately. I know our relationship was real! I knew him since i was a child, we were distant friends until we got together in our 20s, and spent 15 years together or apart - but always always best friends.
I also know he had addiction problems, I also know he lied to me, and I also know that I probably enabled him in the same way as you.
He died 2 1/2 years ago and I still miss him horribly. Sometimes I can't believe I was ever that close to another human being, and I doubt I will ever feel that way again about anyone. )-:
I don't understand the whole "move on" thing. Of course that's easy if you don't love the person, but if you do - well, just because they have an addiction that doesn't make it easier. If anything it makes it harder because you know they are not okay.
I know two things that are true - I loved my ex, nobody can make me say that wasn't true or that my love was all dysfunction, I KNOW I loved him and he me; I also know I couldn't stay with him because I could not handle the world he became a part of, and I couldn't help him.
Another true thing is the grief.
I am really sorry that you are going through this also. I personally do not believe in the labels, but addiction is a hard thing - an impossible thing - to fight in another! And so the best thing to do is to work on yourself and finding peace. But I agree with you, it is not easy and I'm not sure why some others want to make it seem "weak" if you are struggling with leaving the one that you love.
You really are not alone xx