phillyds

I tried to post but it didn't work so I will try again and it may be shorter this time. I have been in a relationship with a crack addict for 4 years. 2 years ago when his addiction was at it's worst he started staying out for days and became violent. I found a recovery house for him and when he went there he turned completely cold. He said he was not sure if he wanted to be with me and he hated MY behavior. He was happy to get away from me. I was totally depressed but he came home two months later using again. Since then he would spend 2 days out a month and it increased over time. He took his clothes once and would wear the same thing when he was here, washing the same clothes. It took 6 months for him to bring his clothes home during that time he would leave twice a month for a few days and come back with his clothes changed.....

Last April after being away for 2 weeks he said he wanted to come home for good and stop using. I was fed up but at his request we went to counseling. He went once because he got high the next week and was embarrassed but I kept going. He finally stayed clean for 6 weeks and did not stay out. He relapsed and I was learning to emotionally detach. He started staying out again but I didn't care. I thought I was doing well but he found a job and I thought things would start changing. He left the day before his first paycheck and stayed out. He called after spending his whole check on drugs. He was so beat up and sick I thought he learned his lesson. He stayed the days he had to work then left again. This time for two weeks callling saying he just wanted to make it on his own, then he called high after spending that check. Two weeks ago after being gone for two weeks he got paid but didn't get high until the next day. He acted miserable and came home.

Last Friday he went out while I was gone and had my cell phone. I came in and saw that he left his FB page open. Needless to say, he is in a relationship with someone else. She said she was tied of this and wanted to know where to bring his clothes. She also assumed that he was getting high but also wondered if there was another woman. I left her a message of course. He came home at 3am high with no jacket or cell phone. He didn't even care. He was so mean and rude. I spent allday Saturday crying and even at some point asked why he would not at least apologize and fight ofr us. He said I would never let it go and he had too many problems to listen to me being insecure the next few years so he was leaving.

I cried so hard I started vommiting. Sunday he asked for the car to go to work. I said no I didn't want him coming back so of course he kept throwing up that I wanted him to leave. Eventually I bargained that I would take him to work if he answered my questions (dumb move) He admitted loving her (killing me) and didn't know who he would choose. When the questions got tough he fell back on addiction, not knowing anything, living in limbo, hating himself. I took him to work hysterical. He asked if I wanted to work it out but I knew it was because she would not take him back. I said no. I am sure he found a way back to her because he has not called since yesterday and once again tomorrow is pay day. He has to work all week so he probably won't get high until Friday. I know that should not make me happy but I am hurting so bad I want him to suffer. I could not even go to work today. I have to get it together fast!!!! I am so broken, any help will do!