Hi Red!
My live-in boyfriend of 10 years' alcoholism began spiraling out of control about 18 months ago. Just at 6 months ago, he moved out of state, got sober, and we stayed in touch. Right when he was about 45 days sober, he also started talking about 'moving back home'.
I panicked on the inside. I knew neither of us was ready. But I also knew it wasn't my job to tell him he wasn't ready. His sobriety is up to him.
So, when I talked to him, I said, "As much as I'd love for us to be reunited, I feel I have a lot of resentments and things to work out on my end before we can talk about something like that. Please try to be patient with me."
And he seemed to accept that pretty well. It's the truth, after all.
I'm still working on my end, and he on his. He tried to go 'no contact' with me at first, but he broke no contact within a week. I've never asked for no contact with him, but I have set boundaries. I will not accept phone calls from anyone after 9 p.m. (the drunk hour for some reason in my life), and no one drinks in my home. If RABF were to relapse, I'd have other boundaries, too.
I wish you well!!