Originally Posted by
TitiEmily 
I visited my son in rehab today for the first time. He has only been in for a week and a half, so, not much change yet, surprise surprise! He was trying all his usual manipulative tactics...first asks me to let him use my cell phone, totally casually, like it isn't a big deal at all, even though it is against the rules. When I say no, gives me the charming smile and says, "Please?" about 700 times. Still no. Now he's a little annoyed, but holding it in. A few minutes later, tells me to bring his girlfriend up next time I visit...don't worry about the no boyfriends/girlfriends rule, I can just say she is his sister. Again, No. This time, he says fine, he'll just have his grandmother do it. (He is not my bio son, he is my foster son, so one of his favorite--and, ashamed to say, most successful--manipulative tactics is to tell me that his REAL family would do it for him.) I just shrug. Truth is, I don't think his grandmother will bring his girlfriend, I think it is his attempt at getting me to say, Oh, ok, if grandma would do it, then I will do it. So, as our visit is coming to an end, he tells me that he doesn't want me to be involved in his treatment there. No family counseling, no calling his counselors and talking to them, don't even bother to visit anymore. (You know, unless he needs new name-brand boots or something, in which case I'm sure I will be more than welcome to bring those to him on a visit!) So there's the final manipulative tactic/punishment for not giving in--If you aren't going to do what I want, then I will shut you out of my life. This one has also been very successful in the past...this time I just said to him, "I will have to think about that." He did NOT like that.
I'm having mixed feelings tonight...proud of myself for standing firm against breaking the rules, while also avoiding getting sucked into any arguments. Scared because I know he will start ratcheting up the pressure and the "punishments" for not giving in to him. Heartbroken at the whole situation, wishing I could just wave a magic wand and have my son back home healthy and whole.
I am planning to go to my first Al-Anon meeting tomorrow night...hoping it will help me with all of this.