The "Sober Saint"
It took my ex months of treating me like an emotional punching bag, kicking me out of the house, my moving across the state and a particularly intense fight calling me every name in the book...for him to stop drinking.
Granted, I'm not perfect...but his life spun out of control.
Now I've been living for several months in a new city with a new job. We have stayed in touch but its been very rocky.
After the last major blow-up, I cut contact. He announced he was joining AA and within a few weeks his messages/emails/texts sounded like they were from a completely different person.
I agreed to visit with him recently and was there when he picked up his 30-day sober "coin" (chip?). I explained to him BEFORE this visit that due to the emotional damage I have sustained...I need us to go very, VERY slow. Our lives are very different now...baby steps please. He agreed.
During the visit we had a wonderful time but he still had episodes of intense insecurity. Still, he looks great and in general, managed daily stressors in a much more positive way.
Now I'm back in my city. We agreed to visit again over Christmas. However, not but DAYS back...he is pushing me on moving back in with him, getting MARRIED and having KIDS.
I became completely enraged...and lost it. 30 days sober and he wants to talk about MARRIAGE!!?? He accused me of being an angry person...unstable...rude...selfish.
From a raging drunk, he now talks about "faith, hope and love"..."seeing the light"...and "peace." I feel like he's in a "honeymoon" phase of recovery...the "sober saint." I feel like he had an epiphany, "woke up"...got his life together...and now expects me to just act like everything is fine and we need to pick up where we left off.
I am DEEPLY damaged from our relationship. However, I still care for him...he was my best friend. I don't want to push him away but I feel that he is not respecting my need to heal. I have told him this...he doesn't want to hear it.
Anyone else have experience with this? What happens after 30 days? Anything I should expect? Am I being selfish???