I no longer live with my A. He was unable to function or hold a job and had to move back in with his parents. His disease progressed to such a point where I wondered how his body could continue at all. It got to a point where I was having reoccurring dreams about his death and often feared that I would wake up next to him dead, lying next to me. We are both currently in recovery and he is about 2 months sober. It was only after he moved out had I realized how sick I had become over the course of living with him and started working on ME. My A was also not physically or emotionally abusive -- he simply disappeared into his own world when he drank and I felt absolutely lonely while living with him, whereas now I am simply alone (and loving it). It's taken about 4 months of being on my own for my crazy brain to heal in a way where I can start thinking clearly. It's been hard to emotionally detach from him because I still love him dearly and will likely always love him, but we have no contact and it's been the only way where we can each truly focus on our respective recoveries. 2 months ago I was still overcome with grief, over the loss of what I thought our relationship could have been...if only. I couldn't imagine my life without my A and my heart ached deeply for him every moment. I'm feeling I'm in a much better place right now. I'm not sure what will happen with our relationship or even if I want that type of uncertainty. Life is uncertain no matter how you cut it, but life with an A, recovering or not, is even more uncertain. Right now, I'm grateful for this space and time to focus on me and to count my blessings. The time to deal with the future of the relationship will happen when it's meant to happen. I trust that path will be revealed to me when it is time.