Try these on for size.
The Proactive Twelve Steps (printable)
If they make more sense - find a good therapist to visit weekly who can set a regimen for you (activities and readings between sessions).
Try a class at your local college - one in psychology. Always fascinating to learn more about oneself through the study of the field.
Take a few personality tests - like the Myers-Briggs - get more in touch with yourself and what motivates you.
Read! There are so many books out there in the self-help world.
Find a mentor - someone who embodies the qualities you want to have.
It seems to me that you are confusing the steps of Al-Anon with alcohol itself. It's not about alcohol at all for the program. But I know for me - it took a while to wrap my head around the steps and only with the help of some fellow Al-Anon members and a good therapist. And I am not a stupid person - just not my kind of approach until it finally made sense. Now I see the wisdom in Al-Anon but it is not my only tool in my toolbox.