Two weeks ago I was incredibly fortunate to be able to convalesce from surgery at the beach. A dear friend told me to use his BEAUTIFUL beach house to unwind (my wife desperately needed the downtime too). I spent 9 days overlooking the surf 50 yards from my balcony. When I first arrived, all was good because I was still on my DOC. After all, there was NO FRIGGIN WAY I was going to drive 4 hours to the coast without pain meds that soon after surgery.
When I got there, I was in heaven! Beautiful weather, view, comfortable settings, great food, wonderful wife, cable TV, Internet, etc.
Thing is, I knew that despite how comfortable I was, it was time to let go of my old friend and nemesis. Half way through me visit, I stopped taking my pain meds.
I wanted to give everyone a brief account of my experience, mind you I went 100% CT!
I stopped my meds on Friday.
Day 1 - Hot flashes then chills... Sneezing, felt like dirt! Mind racing, etc. Felt like horrible flu! Could not stand the smell of food but forced myself to eat some soup twice. Drank nearly two galons of Gatorade. That night, panic hit me... Was I going to sleep? Took me an hour but I managed 7 hours of interrupted sleep.
Day 2 - Slightly better than day one. Managed to force myself to walk 1 mile on the beach - MAJOR accomplishment. Got back and collapsed into the recliner. Drank another gallon of fluids before bed time. W/D was still a bitch but I fought it tooth and nail.
Day 3 Time to go home. Got up, ate some eggs and forced myself to get up and pack. Loaded my vehicle despite the massive urge to lay down.
W/D was easing up a bit but still there big time!
Drove me and my wife 4 hours home despite the physical and mental pain.
Stopped a couple of times to get out and stretch. Got home and forced myself to slowly unpack. Spent the rest of the day on the recliner. I was miserable but improving. I did take a clonidine before bed and slept an entire 9 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mind you, I did wake up 4-5 times.
W/D
Day 4 Called my Doctor to let him know how I was doing. He returned my call later and could not believe how well I was doing. Made me feel great about myself! During the day, I forced myself to walk another mile and actually get out to run some errands.
Day 5 Appetite has returned with a vengeance! Forced myself off the couch and took my dogs for a walk. W/D was still there but not insane like day one and two! Slept another 8 hours. Back pain woke me up a few times but I slept darn it!
Day 6 Ran errands in the morning, ate like a KING for lunch, and went to my bible study class in the evening. I was wiped out when I got home but dang it, I made it. Slept fairly good.
Day 7 Woke up today tired but slightly refreshed. MINIMAL W/D today - looking forward to the rest of the day!
Today I actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Free from my DOC?
I still have physical pain from my surgery but it is not crippling like it was before.
I do want to make something crystal clear with you, but most of all myself. I am having to deal with the fact that I may have pain for the rest of my life. I'm not kidding myself when I say I'll never use ever again. Never say never.... My back is still somewhat F'ed up with other stuff.
But for now, I know I'll never use until the day comes a doctor tells me has to administer it if I'm back in the hospital.
I'm being real and honest about this. I do know that I'm far enough away from my DOC to think clearly about this whole thing.
For now though, life is good but most importantly, I know I have the rest of my life in front of me.
Yesterday, I spent alot of time thinking about the past few years of taking my DOC. To me, my DOC was like an old friend that was good at times, but terribly abusive at most others.
When my DOC was around and being good to me, I sailed through my days enjoying life. I was funny, and always in a good mood.
But those days were so limited looking back. I realized that I was a living breathing Jeckle and Hyde. Dr Jeckle was around for a few weeks but Mr Hyde ALWAYS reared his UGLY HEAD! When Hyde came around, I lied about small things, told people I wasn't feeling too good (because I ran short on my meds and was going through W/D). Above that, lied to my wife that I had a cold and couldn't get off the couch for two days... That is until I got my script refilled the next day...
So here I am today telling myself that I have to part ways from that old friend saying goodbye...