Back from Surgery and off my DOC
Been gone for a while having major back surgery.
Had surgery a few weeks back and was forced to go back on DOCs.
For those who do not know my story, I was diagnosed with some big time back issues a fews years back and was ultimately refered to a pain mgm doc who began prescribing meds. Over a three year period, I went from vics to Opana (oxymorphone). I quit those meds off and on for a while because the meds had taken over my life. I finally realized that the physical pain was less than the pain of the addiction.
Despite having major back surgery a few weeks ago, I'm off the meds completely now. Been off for 7 days now and feel like a new person.
Prior to surgery, I had been clean for over a month because I wanted to dictate the terms of my meds instead of the other way around.
I stopped my pain mgm meds last Friday and went through major W/D for a few days. Not a huge deal though because I was setting myself free.
Over the last few days I've had some time to look back at my experiences and wanted to share some observations with everyone.
Many of us started out innocently enough with our DOC. FOr me, it was prescribed for Chronic pain.
As we first begin this process, we all think that the DOC is a "miracle"! No more pain, no more depression, life is good!
As time rolls on though, that prescribed med just doesn't work anymore so we have to moved up to a new and better DOC?
Then life is good again... for a little while though... THen, that prescribed amount just doesn't do the trick anymore...
So, you mind tells you, "let's take just one more today and one less tomorrow". Tomorrow rolls around and your mind says the same thing.
You are no longer in control - the DOC is now you new master! DOC now begins to run your time schedule... DOC tells you what's fun and what's not.
DOC tells you when to wake up and when to go to sleep.
DOC tells you that you no longer need sex because it provides you with the feelings of intimacy!
DOC tells you your not hungry.
DOC tells you what and when to eat.
DOC tells you... NEED MORE OF ME!
DOC tells you, "I'm all you need now, it's just us now. As long as you have me (and PLENTY of me), nothing can go wrong".
But one day you realize that you ran short and DOC is waiting for you.
And then your entire life crashes around you and you panic! It's as if DOC has a gun pointed to your head and it says, "FIND ME NOW".
Does this story sound familiar to you?